So, what am I going to do today, you ask?

Well, for starters I'm going to write a blog. I'm not going to write about anything in particular. I'm going to start writing and continue to do so until I just can't write anymore. I'm taking advice from Penelope Trunk, and just writing my first blog. I know I have one blog post before this one, and I thought about deleting it, but it still makes me laugh whenever I read it, so I'm leaving it.

I'm currently unemployed. Voluntarily, but unemployed nonetheless. This I want to see as an opportunity to do something I've always wanted to do. Become a happy, healthy, loving, compassionate human being. You see, I've been through some traumatic changes in my life during the past 8 months. And I'm sure I'll discuss these changes in greater detail later on. For now, I'm going to try to stay on target.

For most of the of the past 8 months I've been consumed with thoughts and feelings of loss, grief, self-pity and self-loathing. I've been, and continue to, suffer from anxiety attacks. Mostly related to feelings of inadequacy. The life I feel isn't my own. I don't know the person attached to this new life. And I'm not sure if I want to know him.

I know who I want to be. A strong, confident, intelligent, kind, loving and compassionate man. A father my children are proud of. A reliable, trustworthy friend. And I think I'm only beginning to scratch the surface of how to realize these desires. And what I mean by that is today is day one, and I'm scared.